un.gifted

* some of you may have already read this....

sometimes i have trouble

deciding between who i am

and who i want to be 

i get caught up in the rush

of being true to the moment

i lose sight of the consequences

of my actions and my inactions

i forget to look to my past

to avoid future repeats in mistakes

and some days i find myself looking around

wondering how i ended up here 

again.

they say today is a gift

and some days i'm so busy tearing off the wrapping of the present that i forget to admire how beautifully it was wrapped

(and some days i wish it came with a receipt so i could trade it in for something better)

even as i write this seemingly endless ramble

there are places i should be

other people i should be writing to

but i've decided recently

that if you can't say what you mean then you shouldnt say anything at all

and i've been speecheless

faceless

forgetless

flawlessly flawed.

forgive me for those indiscretions

both past and present

and let me admit to all those in the future

i'd like to say i wont ever make the same mistakes again

but i'm as stubborn as a liar

and almost as creative so time tells me

i'll end up here again

i suppose all i could say is 

i'm sory

but i hate to say sorry

because sorry never says enough

and this silence may be saying it all

but i know you can't hear me through your own thoughts

so i'll go back to being speechless

until i can say what i mean

figure out who i want to be

and how i want to redeem the day

wrap up my apology and give you the present.