whirlwind

life has been crazy crazy crazy lately.
and by lately i mean the past 13 or so years of my life...
i dont know if i'm more lucky to be doing what i do for a living
or lucky that i love this kind of lifestyle in order to do what i do for a living
traveling never gets old for me
even when i was with Mtv Asia and i was flying out up to 3 times a week (i mean seriously people, there were months when i had more laundry than clean clothes and with the size of my wardrobe that's a nearly impossible task)... anyway, i can honestly say i'm still not jaded by the massive amount of travel i've done all my life... i still sit in awe during every sunrise and sunset that i see from the plane... and the way the clouds form islands below me never ceases to take my breath away.
i just got back 2 nights ago from 2 weeks of work in singapore where i shot a short webisode reality show for Maybelline New York... it was definitely a crazy 2 weeks of work but definitely fun as well and i made some good new friends (: i also had a bit of time to catch up with old friends which i am always so thankful for.
see i don't just have friends in one place... no matter where i am i'm catching up with an old friend and missing some other old friends who are somewhere else... the same way i'm always missing some other place when i'm somewhere else for too long... transient. I'm always in vertigo, on the move, trying to move, planning my next move, relishing my stillness because it will erupt into movement... i'm the neverending one woman tour with an endless supply to share... maybe i should have taken that singing contract when i had the chance ha
who am i kidding? i could never... okay not could never but would never, it's just not my thing- singing that is- unless i'm in the shower or in my car, in which cases it's TOTALLY my thing. but that's all besides the point.
bear with me here, i'm in a rambling sort of mood.
so i just got back from singapore, less than 2 weeks before that i was in hawaii for 2 weeks, and in a week i'm off for chicago then home for a bit then off to boston then home and fortunately but unfortunately my trip to europe was cancelled so it looks like i'll be home for my big 25th birthday... time to plan something spectacular (; what to do what to do... any suggestions?
this year's been very interesting so far... i can't believe the year is half over... i feel like i just moved home, but it's already been a year and a half?!?! where is the time going in such a hurry? she leaves her lovers like a mistress with too much up her sleeves, too many wallets in her pockets.... i wish i had at least one more hour every day... i feel like i'm always too short on sleep or time awake... or maybe i just have too many things to split my time between so it never feels like everyone or everything is getting enough.  how do you apologize for being too ambitious?
should you ever apologize for being too ambitious?
i just finished (finally!) reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and let me tell you... even though it was a long tedious read for me (and i usually breeze through books)... it was worth it. There were so many random "YES!" moments in those darn pages that i not only grew through each exclamation, i shrunk too. The realizations i got from reading the book somehow showed me a whole new way to redistribute the weight in my life so i feel less pressured by everything i've been trying to accomplish. i feel less anxious for the future, less grief for the past, & even though i've generally been good at appreciating the present... i feel like i've gained a whole new appreciation for stopping to smell the roses, so to speak. I'm slowly but surely learning to surrender to the Now.
before i get all philosophical and deep on you, i should explain that my mom told me a long time ago that if you make every moment the best moment it can be, then every past moment will be good and regret will dissolve leaving only learned lessons and good memories. I've always carried that idea with me but this book, The Power of Now, really clarified a few things for me and helped me see how my mom's words of wisdom aren't as one dimensional as i previously understood. It's so much more than that.
There are so many passages i'd like you to read... so many thoughts i think you could use, thoughts i think you need to consider but i can't retype the whole book any more than i can convince you to read it for yourself... but here are a few key thoughts:
"As long as you deny them, as long as you try to escape from them or wish that things were different, the window of opportunity does not open up, and you remain trapped inside that situation, which will remain the same or deteriorate further. With the acknowledgement and acceptance of the facts also comes a degree of freedom from them."

"The first thing to remember is this: As long as you make an identity for yourself out of the pain, you cannot become free of it. As long as part of your sense of self is invested in your emotional pain, you will unconsciously resist or sabotage every attempt that you make to heal that pain. Why? Quite simply because you want tot keep yourself intact, and the pain has become an essential part of you.  This is an unconscious process, and the only way to overcome it is to make it conscious."

"Forgiveness of the present is even more important than forgiveness of the past. If you forgive every moment- allow it to be as it is- then there will be no accumulation of resentment that needs to be forgiven at some later time."

"Without a profound change in human consciousness, the world's suffering is a bottomless pit"

"If you can never accept what is, by implication you will not be able to accept anybody the way they are.  You will judge, criticize, label, reject, or attempt to change people. Furthermore, if you continuously make the Now into a means to an end in the future, you will also make every person you encounter or relate with into a means to an end. The relationship- the human being- is then of secondary importance to you, or of no importance at all. What you can get out of the relationship is primary- be it material gain, a sense of power, physical pleasure, or some form of ego gratification."


So there you have it... a few things i think you should consider, things that could change your life, because i don't know many people who wouldn't want a chance at a better life, a better way to live.

i hope you're enjoying this moment of your life, wherever you are, whoever you're with, whatever you're doing. i hope you find comfort in the fact that you're alive and that each moment gives you the power to redefine your life and your happiness. i hope this passage finds you happy.

love always,
taya*