these thoughts are lucid

life's been hitting me from all kinds of angles lately

in all sorts of ways too.

not that the hits are fully painful 

(besides sometimes we find the pleasure in the pain)

sick and twisted isn't it?

so to start off, i should apologize for missing in blogging action lately

my internet has been wishy washy with me and like a bratty child, it only seems to want to comply long enough for me to exhale then it snatches me offline again.

*rawr*

anyway here we are, october 2008- the END of october 2008- and halloween is just around the corner... i havent done anything to celebrate halloween in AGES. One of these years i'm going to make my own costume and go out dancing ;) but not this year. This year i'll probably be at an event, not dressed up (but certainly dressed haha).

For the past month i've had nonstop visitors with me here in Singapore and i have been love love loving every moment with these people i love.  Being this far from home, i do find myself lonely often and not far between. But it's the kind of loneliness i'm used and usually do well embracing- BUT of course the company has been resurrecting for me. I feel refreshed being surrounded by these people who know me so well and can so often make me laugh until i cry. Best way to spend a day!

I've also been traveling a lot- part of why i've been missing in blogging action... this month i have been to thailand twice, hong kong, indonesia, etc etc etc There's lots going on. LOTS. I'm not complaining, i'm loving it. The work has been good, i'm still learning a lot about my job as well as myself, and i've seen all sorts of new things i never thought i'd experience.

I've also been doing a lot of me-unraveling. I've talked to two of my best friends this month about the process of soul searching/ unraveling/ self discovery... it's a deeply sensitive soul tearing process that takes a lot of time, courage, effort, honesty to truly attempt and i dont know where or when i started but i've been slowly unraveling the inner workings of ME. I've been taking time to be truly honest with myself and who i am and how i want to live my life, who i want to be... 

It hasnt been a pretty process, definitely not predominately joyous, but very satisfying to say the least and i know i'm only getting started but i've gained so much clarity... all these years of me thinking i was being honest with myself, i've only recently opened the door into that room and let myself be fully swallowed by the darkness- and now i'm walking my way across to the other side.

can't wait to come out alive.

okay back to work. lots of heavy thoughts in this singapore rain. i'll write more again soon. i promise.

love.