balance.

When's the last time you did something good for YOU?

If it takes you more than 5 seconds to think of something then you're not living right my friend.

I firmly believe that everyone should do at least one thing a day that makes them, and maybe even them alone, happy. That one thing can be almost anything- eat a bowl of ice cream, turn your phone off for an hour, dance around the house in your underwear, have that second helping of potato au gratin, sit on the beach, speak your mind, sing at the top of your lungs in the car, something, ANYTHING. Now, if you're like me, then most of your one-a-day-happy-moments will revolve around making other people happy... give money to a beggar, bake someone a cake, help someone with their work, listen to a friends problems… all valid things, but remember to ask yourself this: While I’m helping this person, what am I losing or gaining myself?

I don’t believe in selflessness. I don’t believe in selfishness either. I don’t think either principal is worth basing your life on. I believe in balance. Balance lies at the core of every aspect of my life: work AND play, a balanced diet, time for me AND time for others, spending money AND saving money, technology AND nature… I try my best to divide my life up wisely between what I need and what I want. Balance used to be my biggest enemy. I could never figure out how to prioritize my life the way my mother does so effortlessly; my mother who is a boss, daughter, wife, mother, philanthropist, teacher, student, cook, consumer, host, guest, and woman all in one… and she never left anyone in her life wanting. I’m a few steps closer to her level now, but it’s taken a lot of trial and error, a lot of honest soul searching and harsh reality checks, for me to get here.

Sometimes you have to take a step or two back in order to move a few steps forward. Life is tricky like that. Just when you think you’re where you want to be, you often look around to realize things aren’t exactly the way you thought they’d be. It’s not that the grass is always greener on the other side, but sometimes our imaginations and expectations get the best of us; sometimes we paint a picture based more off of wishful thinking than reality. I’d pick that wishful thinking any day, but lately reality has been pretty nice.

You see, in the past few years I’ve done a lot of growing up… okay that’s inaccurate. I’ve been doing a lot of growing up for about a dozen years now- I mean massive amounts of growing up, rapid growing up. I never really felt like I was on the same page as most of my peers. While they were gossiping at sleepovers I was pulling all-nighters on set. While they were spending their weekends at the movies and the mall I was studying my textbooks between scenes (there’s that balance again!)… I never really felt like I was where I should be with my peers… in middle school I couldn’t wait to get to high school thinking that that was where I’d feel more like I fit in. In high school I learned that I was wrong and began counting down the days until I got those acceptance letters in the mail from all the universities I applied to. Once I got to College I felt let down all over again. As I got older I realized more and more why most of my good friends were older than me and how disconnected I felt from most of my classmates.

Somewhere in the past few years since graduating from University, however, life has played a little trick on me and suddenly I’m not the hard working adult among carefree kids… now they’re all working steady nine to fives and I’m the one flying around the world at the drop of a work hat, traipsing all across Los Angeles going from audition to audition, and the only steady thing in my life is that I’m getting one year older every year.

I mentioned in a previous post that I was experiencing all kinds of anxiety about turning 24 without anything concrete to show for it in the States… well, I don’t think that anxiety will really go away any time soon, but I’ve been coming to terms with it. You see, for someone so in love with living a balanced life, I’ve chosen a very unstable “career” and since I don’t see myself giving up any time soon, Darwin comes into play- it’s survival of the strongest or the smartest in this life and I’m going to do everything I can to be both.

I know myself better than anyone else and I’ve learned a thing or two about who I want to be in this lifetime… In the past few years I’ve cut some negativity out of my life, I’ve let go of a few disappointments, forgiven a few faults, and come to terms with some of my deepest most honest truths… and I’ve learned to appreciate myself- imperfections and all- in the process. In the past few years I’ve been more willing to know myself for who I really am and I’ve been more dedicated to making myself happy because really, at the end of the day, if you can’t make yourself happy, who can? When everything’s said and done and everyone else has gone home for the day, you’re left with YOU. And that should be a very beautiful thing indeed… YOU have the power to make YOU happy. So why wouldn’t you?

Stop standing in your own way. Trust me on this one.

Here’s one more lesson I learned from my very amazing mother: There’s nothing you can do for others if you aren’t taking care of yourself first. The happier you are, the happier you can make the people you come in contact with. The healthier you are, the better able you are to take care of those who need your help. So take care of YOU, first and foremost, then you’ll really be able to help the rest of the world.

So to end this ramble, I’ll leave you with a quote I recently stumbled across:

"Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it."  

(~ Jonathan Safran Foer)

Think yourself into happiness. Do it. You’ll thank yourself later, I promise <3

Love always,

Taya*