the details in the fabric...

i took this picture in bali a few years ago... a little local boy on the beach made me completely jealous as he stood there in his natural skin completely absorbed in the world and the ocean before him. 

i'd give anything to be him, there, right now.

today was just one of those days. 

you know the ones.

where nothing goes your way, everything is fraying a little at the edges-

not quite falling apart but unraveling a little...

i woke up with a start this morning

(i've been having the most intense vivid dreams)

and rushed to put my face on and dress to shoot mtv news at the office.

i baked all those cupcakes last night and so i took 24 mini cupcakes for my bosses and co-workers and  with all the sunshine singapore had to offer this morning,

the pretty icing melted off the lil cupcakes by the time i got there!

:(

a sad sad day for cupcakes...

anyway, for whatever reason

i was tongue tied ALL day today

like you wouldnt believe!!!

and that RARELY EVER EVER happens to me

those of you who know me, 

know that i talk fast and i talk a lot.

tongue tied is just not my style.

so news took many many more attempts than usual...

i took my lunch break and sat at starbucks for my morning cup of coffee

(BTW, the starbucks team at plaza singapura? AMAZING. You guys make my day every time i walk in there (: so thank you for that)

so i got my morning cuppacoffee and sat reading for an hour or so-

i'm reading The Wednesday Letters

and i've mentioned to you all before that i get really absorbed in books

i laughed out loud, teared a little, and tried to get through the chapters without being an emotional wreck in public... i wonder if i succeeded...?

anyway then i was off to studio-

4 SWAGS and 1 episode of chart attack

and the tongue tiedness just stuck with me.

SO FRUSTRATING

about half way through the shows i began to feel nauseous and dizzy

(silly me, so absorbed in my coffee and book, i forgot to eat lunch)

so i soldiered on through the rest and then hailed a cab

homeward bound

i zoned out in the cab, ipod in, the "sway me gently" playlist playing

and slid into a silent meditative state where nothing but the lyrics really reached me...

i paid the cab, grabbed my house keys and headed into the apartment

only to realize in the elevator that...

my blackberry bold fell out of my pocket and was sitting in the backseat of the cab.

stupid stupid stupid me.

i ALWAYS check the backseat when i get out

ALWAYS

except today.

sigh. 

so i flipped out, yelled a few profanities at myself

then rushed into the apartment to call the taxi service center from skype

THANK GOD FOR SKYPE

and filed a lost and found claim...

anyway 20 awful minutes later

my roomie got home and 2 minutes later my real estate agent called...!?

the taxi driver found my phone and called her

so she called my roomie

and told me what was going on so i could call MY phone 

the taxi driver

sweet sweet taxi driver man and his heart of gold

drove back to my apartment and returned my phone to me.

HE COULD HAVE MADE SO MUCH MONEY off my carelessness.

i wanted to hug him.

but people here dont seem to be big on physical contact... let alone smiling...

(why is it that singaporeans dont like to smile?... except my friends at starbucks.... no one here really smiles back... some people look at me like i'm a monster when i smile at them.... odd...)

anyway i got my phone back.

i havent felt so relieved in... i dont even know how long! 

and then i felt sick to my stomach realizing how incredibly important my blackberry is to me.

it's awful isnt it

this deep addiction we have to technology...

anyway, that's why i wish i could be that little boy, now, cut all my technological umbilical cords, shed all my manufactured skin, and just stand in awe and wonder of the greatest masterpiece of all... wind in my hair, ocean spray on my skin, and nothing but the humbleness of the world keeping me tied to existence.

amidst my evening panic... i heard jason mraz and james morrison in my head singing...

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine...

everything will be fine.

sometimes it's nice to drown in the silence for a while though

i would have appreciated the silence that accompanied the loss of my bb a lot more

if it were intentional

or just... off.

so tonight

as soon as i post this and finish a few more chapters of the Wednesday Letters

i'll be sitting in the dark for a little meditation

no phones

no computers

no television

no lights

no distractions

just me

my thoughts

and hopefully a little serenity.

it's kind of nice to take some time to examine the details in the fabric....